Sunday, July 20, 2008

Anybody's a junkie? As If!

It’s official. The Ambani split no longer the messiest separation in Indian history.

What about the UPA and the Left parting ways? If you thought it was a bad marriage, the divorce is even messier! Did you see Prakash Karat crying in the arms of Mayawati. And Mayawati, the gentleman that she is, did everything she could to console the poor thing.

But with Somnath Chatterjee now voicing his disapproval of the decision of the party high command, many say the CPM is embarrassed. When Prakash Karat was asked about whether this was, in fact, an embarrassment for the CPM, he said “Of course not; we’re already maxed out!”

Speaking of whom, did you hear Mayawati’s name now being thrown about for the post of Prime Minister? I don’t think India’s ready yet, though. I mean going from a male PM with such long hair, to a female PM with such short hair! I think we need a little more time to adjust to the change.

Her name actually floated by the chief of the TRS, K Chandrashekara Rao. Have you seen him? Maybe it’s just me, but he does look a lot like Mr. Bean!

But parties like his which have only 2 or 3 MPs in parliament are having a great time making the government dance to their tunes. In fact, the Left now feels a sense of déjà vu.

Now with the trust vote endgame coming around, the parties are struggling for each MP. In fact they say it might come down to a difference of a single MP in the end. Man, you know who you don’t want in a situation like this? The Mumbai Indians!

With each MP being precious now, horse-trading of course is inevitable. Or in the case of Bihar, more like buffalo trading.

The economy too is really getting bad now. The only thing that seems worse in shape is the future of this government.

The government is all set to release inflation figures on Thursdays now, instead of Fridays like it has been doing all along. See, that’s when you know the inflation problem is getting bad. When you have the inflation rate that’s supposed to be applicable on Friday, coming in on Thursday.
AB Bardhan says MPs are being ‘sold’ for Rs. 25 crore. Well, whaddya know! And I thought Dhoni was the Indian who commanded the highest price.

But don’t you feel Sonia Gandhi’s been surprisingly quiet over all the political developments in the country of late. But there’s a reason for that. Things are changing so fast on the political front that her translators don’t have enough time to convert her speeches into Hindi.

The limelight is now on Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh. He’s all over the news. In fact, he’s now become the most newsworthy Sikh since Harbhajan’s slapgate.

Did you see clips of this? Aw, it was disgraceful! The players of India’s and Pakistan’s ‘A’ hockey teams actually came to blows with each other. See, I’ve always said it. Harbhajan Singh should have been playing hockey instead!

Pakistani cricketer Mohammed Asif indicted for taking the performance-enhancing drug nandrolone during the IPL. Experts say, that in addition to increasing strength, the drug also increases the abuser’s libido. So that solves the mystery of Asif’s elbow injury.

But it’s getting bad for Asif. He’s been dropped from the Pakistani national squad on account of this revelation. You know who’s been chosen in his place? Shoaib Akhtar. Yeah, the Pakistani board says they won’t tolerate more than one junkie on their squad!

Remember a couple of years ago when Shoaib was suspended for banging Asif on the head with a cricket bat in the dressing room. It’s now come to light that they were actually squabbling over the last joint left in the locker room.


Harini said...

Brilliant piece!

Akshay said...

Damn good..n no he doesnt look like Bean..its just you..(n neither does Ranbir look like Al Pacino)..
(I m wondering y do i have to write a word like oxkeazu for verification to be able to publish this comment)..

pixie9 said...

i agree with is just YOU!!! :)
and if my memory serves me right isn't "as if" a karlten-ism?