Last Man-Mohan Standing

Man, the heat in Bombay’s getting really uncomfortable. Almost as uncomfortable as LK Advani in the Lok Sabha.

After weeks of suspense, the Manmohan Singh government is left standing. That’s more than one can say of Manmohan Singh himself.

The verdict’s out, folks. The BJP-Left combine has lost and the government stands amidst flagrant accusations of horse-trading. Whoever said money can’t buy you love?

It was disgraceful. Money being waved around in parliament. I mean, where have the good old days gone when MPs stayed silent when they were bribed, huh?

Communist leader AB Bardhan had earlier leveled accusations of MPs being ‘bought’ for Rs. 25 crore. But the BJP MPs from Madhya Pradesh said they were offered about Rs. 8 crore. See, and I didn’t even know there was a discount sale on in the state!

They’re saying that this will finally be a stable government. Given the amount of horse-trading, that wouldn’t be a surprise.

Lots of opposition parties hit by their MPs voting against the party whip. Harihar Swain of the Biju Janata Dal was expelled for cross-voting. His party members were infuriated at his betrayal. No prizes for guessing what abuses were thrown at him!

But this shows you how low the level of debate in parliament has gotten. LK Advani blamed Sonia Gandhi and her evangelist brigade for the widespread cross-voting. I don’t think he quite gets it.

Dr. Manmohan Singh on a roll! Did you read his speech? Spitting fire at everybody. It almost sounded as though he’d end his oratory with Jo bole so nihaal!

In fact, the Sikh community has decided to hold anger management classes for their members. The first two enrollments? Manmohan and Harbhajan.

Choice words for Advani. See that’s when you know you’re old. When Manmohan Singh taunts you for reaching a ripe old age, that’s when you know you’re over the hill.

Manmohan Singh also saying that the Left expected him to behave as their bonded slave. And I thought that was solely Sonia Gandhi’s prerogative.

The Indian government was congratulated by the White House on winning the trust vote. The White House was quite surprised actually. You see they’ve dealt with Pakistan for so long, they’re not used to a government actually surviving.

One major casualty of the trust vote fracas- Somnath Chatterjee. He’s been expelled from the CPI(M), after they said they had no place for a person like him. Of course there’s no place for a person like him. He actually takes the space of two MPs.

CPI(M) boss Prakash Karat wanted him to leave the chair of the speaker before the trust vote. But that’s unfair to poor old Somnathda. It’s hard for him to leave any chair, even if he wanted to.

The lone rhinoceros at the Bombay zoo now getting a mate. You know from where? No surprises. Patna! It’s bad enough that these Biharis come and take all our jobs, but when their rhinos usurp the sole position of rhino mate, you know they’ve gone too far.

The Patna zoo, though, is demanding an exchange of exotic birds for the female rhino. I don’t see why that is. They’ve got enough kabootarbaaz MPs to go around, anyway.

But Raj Thackeray, quite expectedly, miffed. He says that if the Patna zoo ask for an exchange for the rhino they hand over, they should also take Uddhav and a few sainiks for all the Biharis they keep pumping into the state.

After much deliberation, they’re going to have the Cricket Champions trophy in Pakistan. I don’t want to say that they have security concerns, but this time, instead of cheques, they’ll handing out life insurance policies as man of the match awards.

Quite surprisingly, it was the Indian cricket board which was instrumental in making sure the tournament stayed in Pakistan. Yeah, I believe it was a you-give-us-cricket we’ll-give-you-terror deal.

Indian Foreign secretary Shivshankar Menon met with his Pakistani counterpart Bashir Ahmad this week. During the meeting, Menon accused Pakistani intelligence of having masterminded the Kabul bomb blasts. This took Bashir completely by surprise. “So you guys know of the involvement only in the Kabul case?”

What’s happening to this country? Bombs in Jaipur, bombs in Bangalore, bombs in Ahmedabad. Forget Kabul, I think soon there’ll be a movie called Delhi Express.

Terrorism and inflation now India’s two biggest enemies, says the government. Really? I thought Ajanta Mendis was right up there too.

Indian cricket worse than ever. An innings and 239 run-defeat to Sri Lanka. All the batsmen faltering. There was only one force holding one end up for India. In fact, they’re seriously considering of moving bad light up the batting order.

An innings and 239-run defeat. Man. That almost makes the NDA-Left defeat seem small in comparison.

Ranbir Kapoor paid Rs. 7 crore for film. And I thought Bobby Darling was the highest paid cross-dresser in the industry.